Grossman's Drunk Ramblings and Cole's Amazing Humor

I don't have the wind for a long post tonight so I'll break you off a lil' somethin' somethin'. So... I'm seated with some of my homeboys at Applebee's, where each dessert comes with two spoons regardless of whom you're seated with, and one of my friends nearly knocks over his glass of Diet Coke. I mean, the occurrence was nothing out of the ordinary, because this one particular "friend" is two genes away from being retarded... But of course, I live for comedy, so I chime in and say, "You know, the last time I saw moves that clumsy was when your mother tried to be on top." The laughter that ensued was interrupted by said friend standing up and yelling (while holding in the laughter), "Why do you always say stuff like that? You talk about doing my mom all the time!" He then engages the waiter in conversation with, "Sir, this guy wants to do my mom, isn't that gross? My mom's fat and ugly, no one should want to do my mom!" Now, I have no problem with what has happened just yet, 'cause it's all funny... but the waiter had to go and ruin it. He gets excited and does that "It's like... It's like" thing, reminiscent of that kid back in kindergarten who stuttered when he thought he had a good cut down. I still have no problem with the scenario 'cause all I'm picturing is the waiter saying "Blah, blah, blah, I'm a dumbass!" It's what follows the "It's like" that gets me. The waiter utters, "Huh, huh, it's like you have a mom fetish or something, and she's not even a milf." At that point, ah yes, we all said, "check please" in unison. I was thinking, "Wow dude!! Shit, this whole conversation was humorous until your Porky the Pig stuttering and your horrible attempt at analyzing my case, which isn't even a case at all because I was kidding." The guy said I had a complex after the "Bah-deet, bah-deet, that's all folks" part. I swear, I wanted to backhand the kid and shout, "Pipe down r-tard," as undue as that may sound. I don't know. I just thought it was rather funny that my friend would make fun of his mom in a similar fashion to Horatio Sanz's character in Boat Trip. Anyway, I'm sleeping like Courtney Love after a three-day bender... Well, I'm not sleeping quite like that... "That's all folks."

So I'm viewing our site and I see these H-O-M-O personals in our ad bar, and think to myself, "Huh? First we have personal ads for large, lonely ladies and now this. How did we manage to get flamboyant advertising?" Oh yeah, Josh did it… He said something derogatory about gay people and the Google keyword sorter picked up on it and placed “Boy meets Boy” ads in our ad bar. Thanks man. If it were “Boy Meets World” it’d be fine by me because I could make reference to the goddess once known as “Topenga.” Good ‘ol Topenga. But no, the ad is sailor-esque. We might as well rename the site Josh and Cole’s Culture Club or something. The background might as well be salmon-colored. G’Lord! I swear, I can’t beat this Google-powered ad bar. It picks up on all the wrong keywords. Anyweezy, I did a lil’ guest post on Zeus’ brainchild yesterday to ring in ALL ACCESS AUGUST. You can check it out… or not. Yeah so this bed here, I’m gonna hop in it. Although you’ve probably heard this one, I’ll use it. I’m out like a fat girl in a two-piece…